Animals the World Would be Better Without

Look, let's not bullshit ourselves, the world is a dangerous place. I'm just counting how dangerous we humans have made it for ourselves. What else is a car then a high velocity death machine? Then, some assholes go out of their way to make it even more deadly.

Thanks guys.

So, not counting all of the clever ways we've devised to accidentally kill ourselves, we also have to share our planet with other terrible creatures that are waiting on the sidelines for their chance to take over. Where as our teeth are supposedly getting duller, no one told sharks to not be able to rip our arms off in one try. But this isn't for sharks, not until they learn how to breath on land. Then we're fucked. Now, the list...

1. Emperor Penguins

"Penguins?" You ask incredulously. "There is certainly nothing to worry about penguins," you continue with the reassuring speech, "if anything, they're cute."

This is why the penguins are already so close to winning. I don't know if you're familiar with your local Emperor Penguin but right now he's probably beating up your kids for their lunch money. You should also check in with your local wikipedia, because an Emperor Penguin grows to about 4 feet on average. Now, that does mean there are some that logically are smaller and slightly less dangerous (but more shifty) but it also means there are some that are even bigger.

So congratulations, on a bad day (or if you're a midget) you can be beat up by a bird.

So far they have not developed the technology for mass transportation so they are stuck in Antarctica. But let me set up a possible future scenario for you:

You're a child around the age of 10 and you were just at a show with your parents. The posh theater is oddly located in the ghetto. That's okay, because your dad is a philanthropist that has thrown gobs of his money into the city, people love him. But then, you turn a corner and are confronted by multiple sets of narrow wide-spaced eyes.

A menacing squawk from the shadows lets you know they mean business. Your dad tries to reason with the strung-out birds but he reached for his wallet a little too quickly. One jumps out and plucks his eye out. they quickly convene around your parents and peck them to death, stealing everyone of value and leaving you broken, emotionally scarred and on the road to be a slightly weirder version of Batman.

Future Posse

How can we deal with this? Simple. Give me a lot of money, guns and like minded individuals. We can go all, "shock and awe," preemptive strike and kick their asses before evolution lets them catch up.

2. There is no two. Emperor Penguins, number one threat - to the world.